someone once said that he enjoyed the throes of loving another secretly.
i guess the mixed feelings of sweetness and anxiety... of uncertainty and hope... can be an addictive pyschosis to a person.
and yet, i would rather have a still, still heart.
a fear of being hurt... a fear of the unknown...
a fear of the possibility of being spiritually intimate... a fear of my very real inadequacies...
my very real worthlessness.
i've never been able to believe that i can be worthy of another person's love.
i've always believed that a person with such good attributes would belong to another person better than me.
so i seal a warm beating heart with fragile, inpenetrable ice.
not daring to imagine... not daring to hope.
for a person such as i, hope is too much of a precious luxury.
leave daydreams... for the dreamers.
"Why is it that you always inhibit all the oxygen
It's nothing, no it's nothing
What am I going to do, these sweet yet heartwrenching feelings
What am I going to do, not being able to say I like you
Why is it that you appeared with no rhyme or reason
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